Dear cacti
Dear
cacti,
I’m
sorry my mother drowned you with her affection and over-watering. I’m sorry I
neglected you to the point where she needed to step in and water you. And I'm sorry you weren't treated better...or worse.
You
were fun while you lasted. You made nice room décor. And a nice topic of
conversation for when I ran out of ways to entertain my guests. You were always there for me, and I was never there for you, I tried my best, I really did.
You
are a tragic loss, and I will remember you until the end of time. Or until I
get new cacti. Whichever comes first.
I
remember the fateful afternoon like it was last summer. Mainly because it was
last summer. I had finally decided to get a social life and leave my room. My
mom decided to see how you guys were doing. She did not like what she saw. The soil
was parched and you were barely in it, on the verge of falling out. So she
decided to water you. I think you died of sudden shock or something.
The
first one decomposed on the spot, she said. I told her not to water you
anymore. Clearly it didn’t help at all, clearly it made things worse. And I
think you have to agree. Three days later she watered you again. You both hung
on for a little while until she watered you again the next day.
I
told her “mom, these are not like normal plants, they thrive on neglect” and
she nodded “ok, ok I won’t water them”. Clearly that is not what happened.
Because you both died next week. One of you rotted away from the inside and
remained hollow for a while, on the outside you seemed fine but when I pulled
you out, you were hollow. The other disappeared into the soil, never to be seen
again. If
it makes you feel any better, my mom now has over twenty cacti, all thriving on
sunlight and neglect. She waters them like once a year. They’re all doing well,
they send hellos and best regards to the cacti afterlife, if that’s even a
thing…
Now
that I think about it, I’m not sure what address to write. Maybe I’ll just bury
this in my backyard and it can decompose its way to you.
Best
wishes,
A grieving owner
My mom once pulled out raspberries from the garden because she thought they were weeds. I still hold this above her head to her day. I'm sorry to hear about the death of your cacti and their horrific ends of waterboard like torture, which led to decay. In your mother's defense I likely would've have killed them off as well if I were tasked with maintaining them, but on the other hand I would likely forget to water them at all.... Uh... Good blog post, the best of luck to your other cacti!
ReplyDeleteThis post was funny! Neglectful ownership (in this case negative) of pets or plants reminds me of when I liked keeping goldfish and watching them shimmer in the water. Unfortunately, thanks to my watchful care that shimmer of life in the tank vanished pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteNice post. I think cactuses are great. They are one of the best plants. I love how they grow a bunch when they are watered.
ReplyDeleteThis post is cute and I'm a particular fan of the fact that you chose to write it as a letter. I think that made it really enjoyable to read. I'm sorry that your cacti died. I'd be so mad at my mom if that happened to me. I wish you much luck on your future plant rearing endeavors.
ReplyDeleteMy dad put me in charge of watering the garden over the summer while he was gone on a business trip and I succeeded in killing 80% of all vegetation. Eventually my neighbor had to remind me that the yard was looking a little shabby and basically saved the remaining 20% from complete destruction. Needless to say my dad never put me in charge of living things again.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hilarious post. I agree that the letter form works well for telling the sad story of a the soggy end of your cactus.
ReplyDeleteI really like the letter format of this, because although you could have just told the story, this adds a character and humor to it that wouldn't have otherwise been there. My dad brings cacti to his office every once in a while, and every time I visit him, they are always near the fate of your cacti. I think that taking care of cacti might be harder than it should be just because we overestimate their tolerance of neglect. It's quit an unfortunate fate for the poor plants, but I really like your voice and creativity in this post. Nice job!
ReplyDelete